Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize