I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
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