I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Houston, we have a squirter
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize