your room smells of hookers.
And success
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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