So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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