so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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