We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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