There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
