captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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