I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
