First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
