I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
