Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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