She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
