Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
