is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
