His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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