just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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