I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
