I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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