Can i not drive my cunt home
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
