I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
