sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think your dad took our porno
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
