He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
