Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
you never un-have a 4some
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
