Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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