1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
