therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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