Where did you get a picture of my penis
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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