I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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