is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
