Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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