He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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