You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
