come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
