Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
