So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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