Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
