we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
