Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
