Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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