Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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