I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
