last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
