Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
