Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
