i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
