the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
