It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
