I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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