if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
