Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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