Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
