Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
