mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
where are you?
Hypothermia
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
