yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
