Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
