I feel like abortions should bother me more
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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