ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
