I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
