My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
