Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Randomize
