I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
