I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
