I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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