i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
