I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We had to coat check the pizza.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
