this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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