Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
