You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
